Adopted but where’s my mom?
I was adopted. I was born into foster care. I would spend 3 months with my mom and then 3 months with foster parents. I never got to see my dad. He was in jail before I was born. He has a life sentence so I will never get to see him. I have 2 brothers and luckily the people who adopted me decided not to split us apart. When I was in foster care my mom would schedule times for us to see her. But then that stopped. The last time I saw her was 5-6 years ago. That was after I was adopted. One day I asked my new parents when we were going to see her again. They said she does not want to see us, so never. Right now I am still finding out different things about my real parents. Like a month or two ago my brother found a picture of her with another child. I miss her. What should I do?
- Missing your birth parents after being adopted is quite natural and it shows how strong you are for being able to talk about it.
- Consider talking to your siblings to see how much each of you know about your biological mother. There could be a missing puzzle piece the three of you could put together.
- It is wonderful to keep memories of your mother fresh if you feel comfortable doing so. Keep in mind that adoption and foster care are both wonderful.
- You may want to consider discussing your concerns with your adoptive parents. Let them know that you like living with them, but that you still miss your birth parents. You can start by asking them to help you to get more information on how you can contact your birth parents. When your birth parents are ready, they can initiate the contact. You might also consider asking your new parents for advice on how you might be able to visit with your birth parents.
- If you do not feel comfortable discussing this with your adoptive parents, perhaps there is someone else you can talk to, such as a school counselor, a therapist or a friend’s parents. You might want to check in with a professional, even if you do talk to your adoptive parents. It can be helpful to process your feelings with someone.
- How do your siblings feel about being adopted and not being with your birth parents?
- If you spoke to your adopted parents about your feelings, what do you think they would say?
- Do you know anyone else who is adopted that you can talk to to get their perspective?