Alone

Alone

Alone

In 2010, I lost my uncle to a stroke. In 2011, I lost my aunt to cancer. In 2012, I lost my uncle to heart attack. In 2013, I lost my grandma to heart failure, and in 2016 I lost my aunt to suicide. Grief, pain, and loneliness are constant words that run through my head. No shoulder to cry on. I put on a fake smile everyday so people don’t think I hurt. My parents don’t think these deaths affect me because I’m fifteen. Why do I care, right? The death that is scarred in my memory the most is my aunt’s suicide. She lived with her kids. One kid moved out and married. They live six hours away from us, so my mom pulled me out of school. When my aunt died, we just cried. She was my mom’s best friend. The drive up to her house was the worst. As we inched closer, the weight of grief and sadness got heavier. There is a big hole in my heart that I try to fill with alcohol, buying things, praying, sleeping. But, it won’t go away. I’m alone. No one to talk to. My parents won’t even consider a therapist. I know they won’t. I just wish I had someone. I cry every night. I know what you’re going to say. It’s normal to have grief. I know it is. But it’s more than grief. It’s pain. A pain I cannot explain. An emptiness that can not be understood unless felt by yourself. My friends think I’m stupid because that’s my act. My act is joking constantly, but that’s not me. I shouldn’t have this pain and stress. Life is unfair. There is nothing you can do about it.

Consider This:

  • It is natural to feel grief, pain and emptiness after the loss of your family members. Many people have the same emptiness in their hearts when they lose someone they love. It is good you are reaching out for someone to talk to about your pain.
  • Although you don’t think they’ll be in agreement with the idea, consider talking to your parents about seeing a family grief counselor. Perhaps you could find other types of grief counseling to help your family. If they will not listen, try asking a school counselor or teacher about local grief counseling options.
  • Try to remind your parents you loved your late relatives and how much this is hurting you. Age has no limit on how death and loss affects someone. Perhaps your friends are not sure how to console you. Try giving your friends specific actions they could do to help you feel better.
  • You could try keeping a journal or scrapbook of the memories of your late family members. Some cultures hold different remembrance ceremonies in order to celebrate the life of someone who has died. Giving yourself time to get your emotions out in a positive way could help you begin to heal.

Help Yourself:

  • What specific actions could your friends and family take to make you feel heard about your grief and emptiness?
  • What would your spiritual leader tell you about your grief and loneliness
  • How do other cultures around the world handle grief? What other options could you take besides counseling?