Boundaries with brother

Boundaries with brother

My twin brother and I are having a physical relationship. My brother and I are both juniors in high school, but have yet to go out on a single date. One weekend night we were home alone, watching a movie, and complaining about our situation to each other. I confessed that I’ve never even kissed a guy before. After I said that, we turned to each other, exchanged a look, and started kissing. Now (whenever our parents are out, obviously) we cuddle up next to each other on the sofa while watching TV and kiss and grope each other. We have not had sex because we’re not sure we want to cross that line. Plus, I’m afraid of getting pregnant and having to explain to mom and dad who the father is. We both know intellectually how wrong this is, but we don’t feel the wrongness of it. It feels good to finally have someone to hold. So what should we do? Must we stop this immediately, or may we let it continue and hope we grow out of it?

CONSIDER THIS:

It is good that you are reaching out to tell your story on Teen Central.  Since you are asking yourself the question about the appropriateness of your relationship with your brother, I think you already know the answer.  You are correct that you should stop this immediately.  It is good that you have not “crossed the line” as you state, and you both should be able to go back to being brother and sister without feeling guilty about your actions.

Teenagers your age have many hormones running through their body.  Sometimes, this will cause you to do things without thinking or that simply feel good but are not right.  You both are the same age, and are developing sexually, but you must wait for another partner to act this out, not your sibling.

It seems you might feel lonely, like you don’t have a date to go on.  Please know that this is the case for most of the teenagers your age.  Sure, there are some teens that are in relationships, but for the most part, everyone is just figuring it out just like you.  Sometimes you will feel lonely, but know this will pass.  The right person will come around and you will meet someone who you want to share a relationship with.

Until that time, you might want to find ways that you can interact with other teens your age.  Find a club at school to join.  In high school they often meet after school and its a great opportunity to meet others.  Join a gym and work out with others, in a fitness class, or at school.  Local churches usually have pretty strong youth groups that would allow you to meet others.  You could also find a recreational activity for your age like dance, painting, drama, a sport, or martial arts.  Even if there are mostly other girls in these activities, it will provide you with some friendships and opportunities to hang out with other teens outside of these activities.

If you still find it difficult to stop the relationship with your brother, find a trusted adult you can talk to for additional help.  There is nothing positive that will come out of the relationship with your brother, no matter how good it feels in the moment, you may feel regret, shame, or guilt after the fact or years later.  For the well being of both you and your brother, make a decision that you both will not continue in a romantic relationship.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • What are some ways you would like to become involved and get to know other teens?
  • Who can you talk to if you need some help with this situation?
  • How can you share with your brother that you need to stop?