Coming to Terms

Coming to Terms

I have been discovering who I am for all of my high school years. After a long, hard four years, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. It was such a hard time for me to look myself in the mirror and accept myself for who I am. That is hard for anyone at any age. As a freshly graduated student headed to college in the fall, I’ve already decided I want to live as my true self when I go to college. I don’t want to hide my sexuality anymore. I’ve come such a long way and I want to be as confident in my identity as I am about the rest of myself. To do that, I need to fill my friends at home in on this giant secret I’ve been keeping for four years. I’m here today asking for tips on how to come out to my two best friends. One is more on the chiller side so telling her shouldn’t be much of a problem. My other friend will be harder. She just finally came out of the homophobia stage and I think she is finally seeing the light that I pushed her into. No matter how easy or hard getting acceptance from my friends will be, me telling both of them is equally as hard. I want to do this right and respect them and myself all while telling people this big secret I’ve never felt comfortable sharing. So if you have any tips on coming out that you think would work for my situation, give them to me. I will take all the help I can get. Thank you & wish me luck!

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Being open about your sexuality can make you feel vulnerable and worried about being accepted by those you love. You are brave for being yourself and deciding to share your individuality with your friends even though they may or may not disagree.
  • It can be difficult for a person to accept something they don’t understand. For this reason, it will be immensely helpful to explain how being bisexual is a positive thing for yourself and others. Speak clearly about how you feel while considering your feelings and theirs as well.
  • Be prepared for rejection because not everyone will understand or agree with you. You may need to become more spiritual or find some other way to deal with your feelings. Head to the Teen Central website and click the Learn tab then Spirituality to learn more.  You can try creative activities such as drawing, listening to music or simply color in a coloring book as a positive way to express yourself.
  • Even though coming out as a bisexual is a serious thing, try not to be overly dramatic. You don’t want to scare your friends away. You may want to explain that being bisexual is one aspect of you but it doesn’t clearly define you.
  • You might want to write down beforehand what you want to tell people. Brainstorm ideas so you have a clear explanation prepared.
  • Explain how you have genuine intentions and how and why you’d like to be accepted. You can show self-respect by defending your beliefs with facts and stating your intentions in a genuine way. Don’t beg for forgiveness but stick to your guns. Be yourself and if you’re not accepted walk away from negative relationships because these can become abusive.
  • You can try to tell your friends in a positive way by spending a day together. You can do something you all might enjoy such as going out to eat or volunteering together. Ways to volunteer include spending time at an animal shelter, helping the environment or tutoring children. Making the day meaningful may create the right atmosphere to allow your friends to see your genuine intentions.
  • If people don’t accept you, it may be best to find like-minded people who share your opinions. You can try joining groups who openly accept bisexuals by volunteering for the LGBT community. Trevorspace is a youth-friendly website for the LGBT community ages 13-24 to connect in a monitored environment. It allows them to get involved in local LGBT communities.
  • It may be best to tell your friends individually since they are so different. Imagine how they might feel but be realistic as well.
  • Continue to be proud of who you are by not allowing anyone to change you. If your friends or others don’t accept you for who you are you may want to let them go and find some who do. Good luck with telling your friends about how truly special you are.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • In what ways can you continue to be a strong person and be yourself even if you aren’t accepted?
  • In what ways could you become a better version of yourself if you remain positive and keep being you?
  • How can being yourself help you grow as a person?