Getting over the anger of betrayal?

Getting over the anger of betrayal?

I was super close with a friend that I’d had for a very long time.  We went through thick and thin and through EVERYTHING; but I realized that I had been overlooking a lot of negativity that she contributed to my life. The last straw was a betrayal by which she not only angered/hurt me, but also a member of my family.
It’s been months and I am still so so angry. I can’t stand the thought of her. But every time I have tried to voice my feelings and opinions, she turns away and insists that I’m somehow the bad guy.  It angers me even more.
I will soon be going off to a new school and will not have the chance to see this person for a long time. Believe me, I am thrilled about that! At the same time, I don’t want to keep reliving all the hurt that she has caused. At times I wish we’d never even met.


  • We’ve all been there… We have friends that we’ve been friends with forever; and due to that history, there is such a strong sense of loyalty that we sometimes overlook the jabs, the pokes, and the remarks that cause us pain.  One day  we have a moment of clarity and we’re able to step back and say “Hey, this isn’t good.  I’m hurting, here”.
  • Unfortunately, your “friend” doesn’t want to hear it.  It’s falling on deaf ears.  If she really listened to what you had to say, she may have to take some responsibility and do something about it, the first step being accountable for her contributions to the situation.
  • You’ve had enough and she’s out of the picture; but she’s not out of your mind.  You’re still angry because you haven’t been able to process the anger.  At this point, you may want to consider writing a letter where you’re able to express all the anger you’re feeling about what happened in the past.  This will be a letter that you may not even want to send to her; but it’s a way to release all the emotions you are feeling.  Surely there are a lots of good times you remember with your friend, and it’s good to acknowledge the happy times, too.  Through your experiences with your friend, you have learned a lot.  Always remember that we learn our greatest lessons and grow most when we experience some element of pain.  When times are good, things are just kind of flowing.  Writing this letter, or writing thoughts down in a journal, can be very liberating.  You can write something one day, and possibly look at it another day with a fresh set of eyes.  You may develop a new perspective on the past.  Through this process you may even discover a better way to approach your ex-bff to where she is willing to listen to what you have to say.
  • It’s very important that you find a way to release this anger because it’s going to hurt you, not her, if you don’t.  Buried tension can manifest in all kinds of physical and emotional ailments.  Be kind to yourself. You will be surprised at how much attending  a new school will give you new experiences to focus on.  Once you are at school, you should be able to focus on the present and the excitement of the future
  • Consider talking things out with your family.  Certainly you don’t want it to become a friend-bashing fest, but simply a way to vent some emotion and to discuss ways to prevent something similar from happening in the future.  This could be a healing process for everyone involved.
  • Exercise!  Pound the pavement, go to the gym, take it out at the tennis court.  Exercise will help you process your anger and leave you feeling more relaxed and at ease.


  • To protect yourself in the future, what are some signs that a relationship is probably not serving you anymore?
  • How could keeping a journal help you catch situations that are starting to go south?
  • What are you doing as a family to heal from the hurt that this person caused?