I hate myself so much right now
I ended my relationship with my now ex-girlfriend around two days ago. I hate it already… people say it normally takes a while to regret it but I already do. It was for the best I think… We were both hurting each other emotionally, we weren’t helping each other and I felt like I couldn’t be friends with a female due to her insecurities, which is hard for me since I’m moving in with my friends in 2 months, and one of them is female. This made me feel like I couldn’t tell her things and ultimately made the relationship breakdown since it was never dealt with despite discussions on it. But I do, I feel empty and dead inside… I can’t bring myself to get rid of everything she’s given me such as cards, letters etc. I just want to read them but I haven’t yet… I know it’ll just upset me further. I also worry about her a lot too, she was going through a really rough time and I just made it 100 times worse… I hope she hasn’t hurt herself… but she didn’t want to talk as friends so I fear that a message from me may cause her to think I’m trying to get back with her… or it’ll just hurt her even more… I just don’t know what to do. I know there has been very little time between this happening and now but it is killing me… I feel so lost, empty, I don’t know what to do, I just want to spend all my time in my room asleep. Stupid things set me off, anything that might remind me of her in any way hurts… I wish it hadn’t happened, I wish it had all been okay… I just want to curl up and cry, I don’t want to exist. My friends say that I can always go to them if I need to talk but I feel like a burden and I feel like I kill the mood, and since they are all that I have left, I don’t really want to scare them off… I just do not know what to do right now. I need help… I just wish I had someone to comfort me, but my friends aren’t the “hugging type” of people, and that’s all I want… I hate myself, and I hate that I ended it. I don’t want to take it back though… It hurts so so much… Please help me. How do I make it stop?
- It is clear that you are hurting, and you are conscientious to consider the feelings of your ex-girlfriend and your friends in addition to your own feelings. It was a good idea to reach out for support.
- The initial feelings from a break-up can be very intense, even though you feel it was the right decision, you may still experience grief from losing what you had. Think of some things that comfort you when you are in pain and try to do some of those things. This can be as simple as allowing yourself time to get extra sleep, crying when you need to or spending some time by yourself. Distracting yourself when feelings are intense can also help, try taking your mind off of your feelings by taking time to do things you enjoy, or spending time with friends. You can also check out the TeenCentral stories page to read the stories of others who are experiencing similar feelings.
- You mention that you don’t want to be a burden to your friends or bring them down, but think about your friends. Supporting a friend going through a difficult time is a part of a safe and trusting relationship. Consider trying to confide in a close friend. Asking for a hug if you need one is okay too! Even though it may feel uncomfortable at first, your friends may be waiting to support you and you may be surprised by their reaction.
- If you feel as though talking to a friend is too much for them, consider whether there is a trusted adult in your life who might be able to support you. Maybe a family member or friend that you can speak with about what has happened.
- Keep in mind that these intense feelings will not last forever, even though it may feel like they will. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time you need to have these feelings. Try not to blame yourself for ending something that you felt wasn’t healthy for you or your ex.
- If one of your friends was struggling with a break-up, how would you support them?
- How might it feel to share your feelings with someone safe who cares about you?
- What are some things that comfort you that you can do for yourself?