I Hate Myself

I Hate Myself

Hi, I’m 13 years old and I hate myself more than anything. My mom is mildly emotionally abusive(the last time she hit me was when I was 10). She’s very critical of me and my brothers, but she still gives us gifts and says she loves us. However, when she gets angry she yells and calls me and my brothers names and makes fun of us in front of my aunt. Just last night she called me “rude” and “ungrateful” because I didn’t call her a loving mother. I am very scared of her.  She also wants us to be perfect, which is impossible. I have anxiety(panic/anxiety attacks) and am depressed. I also cut myself and I want to die. I’m not worthy of life. The world would be better off without me. I’ve attempted once, back in March by an overdose. However, it was so minor I didn’t need to be hospitalized. I dream of losing weight(I’m 5’3 and weigh around 118-119 pounds, but I want to be 82 pounds). I throw up and I try to not eat but I always fail. I feel so fat and so ugly. I want to be skinny more than anything.  I’m sorry for this long and probably stupid story, but I just need to talk.

 

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Dealing with an abusive parent is very difficult, especially one that does not appreciate you for the beautiful person that you are.  You are a beautiful and unique person no matter what your weight is.
  • Learn to love yourself for who you are both physically, mentally and emotionally. Recreational activities such as meditation, exercise, and yoga can empower you and cultivate self-love.
  • Consider engaging yourself in activities that will bring positivity and happiness in another’s life making you proud of your existence and accomplishments. Activities like volunteering for a local soup kitchen, or homeless shelters are great ways to make a positive impact on someone else’s life which will give even more meaning to your own.
  • Try speaking to a school  counselor to explain your current emotions. By doing so you will vent all of your negative emotions while receiving sound counseling on how you should eradicate these negative feelings.
  • Consider speaking with your mother one-on-one and explaining to her how you feel about yourself and how she is making you feel worse.
  • If you need someone to talk to you can try heading to the Teen Central website and clicking on the Help tab for a list of numbers like the Crisis Textline, for example.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • Whom at school can you talk to express our negative emotions?
  • If you were to list all the positive characteristics of yourself what would they be?
  • What kind of dialogue can you start with your Mother to explain to her about how she is treating badly and how it is having a negative impact on you?
  • In what ways can you spot negative thoughts and emotions and transform them into positive ones?