Should I Confess My Feelings to a Coworker?
I’m 21, I work in a grocery store and since starting there, most of my coworkers know that I have a strong romantic/sexual leaning towards women (I am a woman as well.) Despite this, I have dated only men up to this point, as I am not necessarily not attracted to men. It’s just that I tend to lean towards liking women more, which seems odd seeing that I’ve only dated men and have only ever kissed one of them, and that was the last relationship I was in over five years ago.
Recently, I have found myself developing some feelings, some emotional, and mostly sexual attraction for a coworker of mine who is male. I am 21 years old and have never had sex. For the most part, the way I would describe my sexual urges up until now would be very mild. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this strongly about wanting to have sex with someone as I feel about him.
He recently went through a breakup with his girlfriend (now ex) of about 2 years. We have gone to dinner a couple of times in the last two weeks with other co workers after work, and after spending time with him and having some pretty intense conversations about what happened in his breakup and his mental state since then, I realized that he is dealing with a lot of the same mental health issues that I am now/have dealt with in the past. He also has said in past conversation that he has had sex before.
The coworker in question can be very blunt at times and speaks his mind, but for the most part is very comedic and does have a sweet side in there deep down.
I guess my question is how can I bring up my feelings for him and desire to have sex with him to him without a) pushing him away, and b) not making our friendship awkward and potentially non existent? Something in my head makes me believe that he would potentially say yes but at the same time, the rational part of my brain isn’t sure he would. The thought of him turning me down is something I can expect but probably will not be prepared for.
- It is very commendable of you that you are trying to be cautious about approaching a coworker about your feelings. That is not an easy task and the decision to reveal your feelings to a coworker should be taken after much consideration.
- Before you decide whether or not to reveal your feelings to your coworker, think about whether you would be ok with the consequences of either decision you make. If you reveal your feelings, and he does not share the same, it can be very awkward at the workplace. You would have to comfortable with that. If you reveal your feelings, and he does share the same, then you would need to think about how you can conduct yourselves at work without being too obvious and still being professional. You would also need to think about being professional if a relationship, beyond friendship does not work out between the two of you.
- If you decide to reveal your feelings, no matter how delicately you may bring up the topic, it has a huge potential to make your friendship awkward and “potentially non existent.” You can try to bring up your feelings, outside of the workplace when it is just the two of you and disclose your feelings then. You can emphasize the fact that there is no pressure, you don’t want the friendship to change, but you wanted to reveal how you really feel about him.
- Be prepared for all possibilities. You can also talk to a trusted friend who knows the dynamic of your relationship with your coworker to see what he/she may say. They may have some valuable insight as well.
- What are the policies regarding workplace relationships at your job?
- How would you feel if your coworker does not have the same feelings toward you as you do him?
- How would you feel if you did not disclose your feelings?
- If you decide to enter into a relationship with your coworker, how would you continue to keep it professional at work?
- How would you advise a friend that came to you with this situation?