The Shock of My Life

The Shock of My Life

I am a 20 year old junior college football player and my ex girlfriend is a 18 year old college freshman at a school about 45 minutes away and plays tennis. We were dating for 2.5 years, met in my class senior year, and we had to overcome some obstacles. Her parents are very strict and did not allow her to date at all. We didn’t even go to prom together. We dated in secret the entire time and we still loved each other so much. We would tell each other daily how much we loved each other and how we wanted to be in each others lives forever and ever. She said that we were soulmates and that we would be together forever. When I got to school it was hard for her becuase of the distance. She was an hour away. During the rough times at school, there were times where I thought about taking a break but she begged and pleaded and we ended up having a stronger relationship. We only got to see each other about 1-2 times during winter break and 3-4 times during summer break for only about 30-45 mins becuase of her parents but we made it work. We were so excited to finally be in school together and finally be able to be with ourselves. She is a computer science major so she always has a friend who is typically a guy help her with her projects. Two months ago during my football training camp we struggled a little due to our schedules but we were still happy. She facetimed me talking about how busy her schedule is and how stressed she was. I wanted to pick her up and hang out for a weekend but she said she was too busy. Then, during the first week of the school year she only texted me good morning, good night, and a text in the middle of the day. She said she was trying to take a break from being on her phone. After about 4 days of that she called me one night and told me that she doesnt think she has the time for a long distance relationship while everything is changing in her life at the moment. This was a big shock to me because I thought this was just one of our rough patches. She told me that I taught her so much about love, and that she wasnt doing this to be with another guy. The breakup was very sad for both of us because we have been through so much together. A mutual friend of ours told me that it was difficult for her to do becuase she loves me. After days of trying to recover I saw posts on social media of her and a friend of hers which she met while we were dating he plays tennis also. They had dinner and would do homework together frequently in each others rooms. I was mad becuase she would put a heart in the post and I thought she left me for him. I texted her about the situation and she said that I was overreacting and I instantly felt terrible. I eventually unfollowed her on all social media becuase the posts would be a daily occurance. One of my friends who went to our high school showed me her instagram one day and it was a post of them together and her wishing him luck in a tournament with smiles and emojis. I now can’t  stop thinking about whether they are just really good friends or if they are in a rebound relationship becuase it started within the week after we broke up. I drink on the weekends to try and forget about her. I miss her so much and I’ve been in no contact for 2 1/2 weeks since we last talked which was a good conversation. I just don’t  know if I should move on and forget about her or keep trying to better myself, and hope she contacts me again. I’ve changed and I feel like if we got back together it could be so much better. I am going to a counselor at school to talk about this today. I found out she is dating that kid now.

CONSIDER THIS

There are many teenagers (and adults) that go through what you have just gone through—a break up. It’s frustrating, and sad, but the feeling is only temporary, and you will likely meet someone who is more of a fit than your ex girlfriend. 

You sound like you have the right idea about what to do—-bettering yourself despite the circumstances with your ex girlfriend. Bettering yourself, by continuing in college, playing in sports, and enjoying your young adult life, will all help attract the right people to you. 

It would also be helpful to speak with a trusted adult, a friend or a counselor. By talking your feelings out to someone you trust, you will feel better and get insight about how to move forward.

Since you want to move on, try to engage in other activities that would keep you occupied like reading, exercise, or even hanging out with good friends. While you are in college, enjoy it! Take the time to enjoy everything college has to offer and you may meet someone during the process! 

HELP YOURSELF 

Who is the trusted adult you can speak with about how you feel?

What are the different ways you can better yourself? 

What are other activities you can engage in during the weekend, besides drinking? 

What are the different things you can do to get over the breakup?