Too Broken to Heal
Every person around me depends on me. All the questions needing answers, I deal with. I don’t get out as much as I want to. I feel like I am screaming in a room full of people, but no one even looks up. I am depressed; I get migraines and I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. I am staring at a computer so much that my eyes hurt because I feel like I don’t belong in my family. I lost my cousin who had a 3 year old daughter. I was like her mom, taking her out, watching her, putting her to bed. Now my cousin’s daughter has been adopted by her grandparents. I feel like I lost her too. I can’t handle playing the part of the adult, but I do. My parents ask why I think that and I can never answer. Nothing is going right and I just want to sleep until I have no thoughts of hurt, days of being alone, and hours of crying. I pray to God, but I don’t think He hears me cry out for help, for my family, and for myself. I take medication for migraines, panic/anxiety attacks, depression, and to help me sleep. When I am getting my medicine ready at night, I see how many there are in the bottle and for one second I think to take a few more. Then I realize if I do I will die. Who will ever help my family through another loss? My doctor put me on a waiting list for a therapist. It’s been months and I don’t have one. So I just deal with all the pain, stress, emptiness, and loneliness. Will I ever be completely happy? Or is my soul already too broken to heal?
- Dealing the with the loss of a family member is difficult emotionally, physically and mentally. Rest assured many others can relate to your feelings of loss right now.
- You are not broken. You are experiencing a hardship that will help you grow as an individual. You will get though this grief.
- Consider reaching out to your family members to get though this loss and they need you as well.
- It’s also important that you continue to take the prescribed dosage for your medications. When you’re feeling overwhelmed with life’s pressures you can always call the Child Help hotline at 1-800-422-4453. The call is toll-free, available 24/7 and it’s totally confidential.
- You can look online for grief and loss support groups. Be an advocate for your own mental health. If applicable, call your insurance company for a listing of therapists/psychologists in your area. Once you receive the list call all the people/providers on the list and see who has an opening as soon as possible.
- Talk to your psychiatrist about about your feelings of depression and sadness perhaps you need your medications to be adjusted or to take different ones.
- Why do you think you have to play the part of the adult even when your cousins daughter is in the custody of her grandparents?
- How might talking to your friends or calling a helpline help you deal with your grief, anxiety, depression and panic attacks?
- What activities do you enjoy doing? How might it be therapeutic to engage in these activities when you’re feeling overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness?
- Who are the family members that you feel most comfortable speaking to about this very personal issue? How do you feel about reaching out to them during your dark times?