What’s wrong with me?
Hello! I am here to try and get help. I am currently in middle school, it’s definitely not my problem but I think it’s important to note it. Either way, in June, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I know very few things about it but when the doctor asked why I bite my nails, he told me they were part of panic attacks and I had anxiety. My family is from a strong Mexican background, including me being born in Mexico and technically having some trouble staying in the U.S. but that’s not the case. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3B breast cancer and it really took a hit on me. I don’t cry in public and I’m afraid I’m always too cold to people. My panic attacks consist of me sweating, wanting to cry and me being able to hear my heart beating rapidly alongside other things. Ever since I was 7, my family began to “shape me as a young lady” which considered of them telling me I was gaining weight and that my face was too round. I didn’t let it bother me until recently. I stopped eating for days, the most being 2. I began blaming myself for my parents’ divorce and previous arguments. I began to cut myself. And my panic attacks became more frequent. I eat 2 meals a day but I make myself throw up sometimes. I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop. So many people I admire tell me to “Love myself” even BTS made a campaign on it. After finding BTS, I stopped cutting but my eating habits remain the same. I also recently officially admitted to myself that I was bisexual and I’m afraid of rejection not only at school but in my own family, who is strongly religious. I’m always in fear of moving back to Mexico and sometimes I just make myself throw up because that’s how I feel like I should do. My own doctor recommended I see a psychologist but I’m afraid my family can’t afford it since we’re already in debt because of my mom’s chemotherapy. I’ve never felt suicidal because I like to stay positive but sometimes I just feel like I should stay away from my friends. I don’t feel like talking to anybody. My body doesn’t feel hungry anymore. I always feel like people are watching me. I like the idea to live boldly and to not care about what people say but when I try to do it, I feel like crawling back to bed and crying. I don’t know how to explain the feeling I get. I know this is long but it’s only a fraction of what’s going on.
With love and respect.
- It is very brave of you to share your feelings about all the emotions you are having as a young woman. It is okay to have all of these feelings and it is okay to be confused.
- Isolation is not a very good way to process through these big emotions. Everyone needs help from others. Maybe you can talk with a trusted adult or counselor about what you are feeling. They can usually provide resources for you as well help you see things from a different perspective
- Though you are feeling alone, you are not. Maybe you can reach out to your friends for support right now. That is what friends are supposed to be here for as well as the fun times too. Do something you all like doing to release any pressure your feeling.
- If you are having feelings of being bisexual maybe you can look online or on Teencentral.com for local support or communities that can help support you during this time.
- Not eating is a sure way to have future problems with your health. Maybe instead of not eating anything maybe you can try to eat more vegetables and fruits that you like. There are many ways to eat in a healthy manner and maintain a healthy you.
- Maybe right now you can do something that you like doing to help take your mind off these huge challenges like reading, exercising, going for a walk, writing down your feelings to help process them, go hang out with friends, etc.
- What would happen if you talked with another trusted adult or counselor about what your feeling?
- What would happen if you did reach out to your friends for support?
- What would you tell a friend in the same situation?
- What would happen if you did some research online and on Teencentral.com for support for being bisexual?
- What are some healthy food options you can have instead of not eating?
- What is something you can do right now that you like doing to help let go of the challenges you are facing for a little bit?